at least i'm not starving with cancer and fleas and gangrene and major worm infestations drinking sewer water in india

i have weak eyes



and rutted habits

am i really that bad



am i really so










why do i even try

Why do I even Try
I'm no Good



Ha. So why do I feel so numb.
Why did this come as a real shock.
I've never been good.


When did I start to tell myself I am.
I'm not even decent.







What do I do with myself now.





I don't even want to cry.


That's neither proper nor fitting



I don't deserve to shed tears for myself






Fucking mistaken lied to myself disillusioned myself shit what do I do with my life why am I such a fucking big dumbass when did this happen



I just

follow your dreams they say



what are your dreams
i never hear






to pursue your dreams you must follow this list





here are rulebreakers who pursued their dreams without lists they said






there is no more room for success

too many people have accomplished everything that is new under the sun







where is there room for me


i don't want to leave this house


but i hate to be inside with everyone else

can i have my own

I just like being alone.


Being at school is fun.
Learning is fun.
Ha.


And today was going to be a totally alone day


But it wasn't because She stayed home and didn't go get her hair done



So all day was "why aren't you"


and "do you like to hear this"



yes, i love hearing you ask these things










I just need silence






I need quiet

one of these days

i'm going to end up in a padded room

mute and shredding away at myself



please come visit me then

not so that i'll get better soon or anything
but just

you know




as friends