i just

wanted to see you
and talk
because we haven't for a while

and i looked forward to it so much



i treasure you a lot

so i thought maybe i could ask you things i'm afraid to ask others
tell you secrets
hope you could keep them



i guess not

you never wanted to hang out

i can feel your gaze cutting me to pieces

filtering through my cracks and splintering every shard apart

can you forgive me for not wanting to approach you

is my desire to stay away
acceptable
yet?

what is my best















are you not entertained







are you not pleased



i'm falling apart for this
canyoupleaseshowinterest

at least i'm not starving with cancer and fleas and gangrene and major worm infestations drinking sewer water in india

i have weak eyes



and rutted habits

am i really that bad



am i really so










why do i even try

Why do I even Try
I'm no Good



Ha. So why do I feel so numb.
Why did this come as a real shock.
I've never been good.


When did I start to tell myself I am.
I'm not even decent.







What do I do with myself now.





I don't even want to cry.


That's neither proper nor fitting



I don't deserve to shed tears for myself






Fucking mistaken lied to myself disillusioned myself shit what do I do with my life why am I such a fucking big dumbass when did this happen



I just