i don't mean to complain, but
i guess that's what i need to do
i am a hive without a queen
aren't i supposed to be my own queen
how does any colony bring in its own queen
i don't think this is supposed to take so much though
sooner or later i'm going to end up somewhere i don't want to be with my mind far away
or maybe too close and too loud for me to function in a space beyond that of my own mind
my own reality
i hear it's different from what's outside it
what makes you different from me
daisy please don't eat that
susie i hate you
don't be sad
i'm not sad
crying leaves everything messier
why are you a wreck
how could you spend time on others when you need time yourself
you could knock the cobwebs off others why can't you handle yourself
that isn't a mirror
this isn't it
but it really is
let's say you're quasimodo and all your life you've been cuffed for being ugly and not being able to hear and you were abandoned at birth, switched for a pretty little girl who will one day save the life of a pathetic worm of a man. one day you are stood up on a wooden pedestal and paraded around the streets with a flower garland on your head, crowds of men following you and cheering your face. you are the King of Fools.
I am the King of Fools.
except i am the only fool
so you thought this was a good thing. you don't know what's happening. you just know people are looking at you and not throwing sharp things at you, be it stones or words. it feels good for once.
what if they burned that wooden pedestal and ridiculed you for standing on it how would you feel what would you have left what a true Fool you are, the only fool for thinking there was anybody for you to lord over
but Quasimodo saved a girl's life
the tulip bulb caused seven orphans to become billionaires overnight.
it made ordinary men rich. it toppled merchants into debt. it sucked an artist into lifelong debt.
today i
wondered
and i set up for myself the wooden pedestal, the garland, the scepter and wand, the cloak
it caught on fire, how i know not
since this is only for me is this real
am i burning or not has the fire even started
since this is only for me i have power
over the sequence of events
but they have already happened
maybe if i rewind no demise will happen
far back in the past enough and nothing more will come
i wish to strip him of his clothes and he wishes to strip me of mine
susie is with me but i do not know her i can't get her to leave can't leave her behind
my workers are slowly dying all that may remain is a hive without humming
a throb of dying bodies of thought within me but thought can never die i think too much for that
so what is dying
what was my queen
what have i lost
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